I'm Sorry

Being the music lover that I am, I came across a song today that really sent me on a voyage of deep thought:

Ain't It Funny (by Heather Headley)
Tried to leave me broken and confused, You tried to hurt me

Throw me out like something used, But now your back and you need me for everything

To help you, and keep you, hold you and need ya

Oh, how things have changed

Ain't it funny how life goes around

Same people you meet goin' up, You see them coming down

But ain't it funny how you can need me now

Same women [or Man] you miss-treated is your everything now

Tryin' to find a place in my heart to forgive you

Maybe some old memory will make me care for you

Seeing you this way oh, makes me wanna cry

To help you, to hold you, love you and teach you

There are rules of life, ain't it funny

What goes around, see it always comes around

And I know I don't serve, it's gotta come down

Don't you know you reep what you sow

Baby that is what I know, You need me just like I needed you

So many times we take people and things for granted until we find that we are without them. On the other hand, sometimes we put so much time and effort into searching for what we think we want or need that we fail to realise what we actually have. I remember a story someone once told me about a man who was on a quest to be rich, so he decided to pack up his possessions, sell his land and go searching for gold in a mine he had heard about. The person that purchased his land, while digging to put down a foundation for a building, discovered oil. The man never found gold but the guy that bought his land did become a billionaire.

In reality we sometimes tend to neglect our 'true' friends out of the desire to befriend persons that could care less that we exist. We mistreat the persons that show us love while we are willing to make a fool out of ourselves for the ones we want to love. We neglect to maintain that faithful and dependable "raggedy" old car while we dream of having newer, less driven, less tested model.

But amidst all this, when we 'hit a low' and 'come to our senses', we seldom pace backwards, make amends and say we're sorry. We don't say it to that person, and we don't admit it to ourselves. We just brush the past aside and carry on as though that person that in reality we've hurt was duty bound to rescue us from our own self-inflicted calamities.

We seemingly forget how powerful that little five letter word can be and how remarkably significant the two word phrase "I'm sorry" can become. It is said that kind words can sooth the soul, however I am convinced that this phrase can empower.

Start small, and you will become great!

I'm sorry that I didn't notice the sky's beautiful shade of blue this morning, for tomorrow's will be different.
I'm sorry that I stepped on that ant on my way out of the door, for now his colony will be short one helper and one less meal.
I'm sorry I didn't let that other driver out of the corner on my way to work, s/he may now be late and lose their job.
I'm sorry I didn't call my friend today and say hello, s/he may have been in drastic need of a kind word.
I'm sorry I made you think so hard, for you may now be addicted to reading this blog.

How much is that person in the window?

Do you remember the person that you just wished you could be with? I don't mean some iconic celebrity or anyone famous, I mean the popular person with the amazing body, the seductive smile and those eyes the just seem to pierce your soul causing your knees to fight gravity.

We have all had a crush or two ( or three, four, five...) and we've all at some point battled insecurities questioning whether this person would ever look our way. Sometimes when we actually do cast our lines in that direction and manage to reel in the 'prize', what's worse is when we are willing to go to even greater lengths to keep them.

I have seen some of my friends allow themselves to be used, degraded and embarrassed simply because they decide that having this certain person in their lives is worth more than life itself. The questions that come to mind are, "where do you draw the line between love and lust" and "what is your true worth"?

To even take it to another level, how do we define beauty? I sometimes look at females with their freshly manicured nails, diva styled hair and almost plastered make-up and the males with fresh haircuts, highly stached denims and "smell me before you see me cologne" and wonder...is beauty really skin deep?

I have come to realize that there is truth to the saying that real beauty comes from within. I would much rather be in the presence of an 'ugly' person with a caring disposition and a warm attitude than a 'yet to be discovered self-considered supermodel' who whouldn't pick me up if I fell in the street out of the fear of getting their hands soiled. I have dated this type before in my past and have come to realize that sometimes what you see is really all you get.

Amazingly, persons that think too highly of themselves seldom think of anyone else. Where do you fall in this regard? Try this (honestly), imagine you got burnt all over your body and was now confined to a wheelchair. Which of your friends do you believe would give up a night on the town to chill with you? Which of your friends would even still be your friends (and would be seen with you)? Now ask yourself this question in reverse.

All Falls Down

Being the music fanatic that I am, I find a lot of truth and inspiration in the songs that I hear from time to time. One that I remember sending me into deep thought was the song "All Falls Down" by Kanye West. If you strip away the nice beat and catchy chorus, you'll be left with some words that are sure to reach out and slap you, or at least send a few people walking through your mind. Here are just some lines from the song:

KANYE WEST (f/ Syleena Johnson) - All Falls Down

Man I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches

Then I spent 400 bucks on this
Just to be like nigga you ain't up on this!
And I can't even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team

It seems we living the American dream
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings

We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper, look how low we a'stoop
Even if you in a Benz, you still in a coop/coupe

We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that

I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it

Now if you can read that without doing some soul searching then you might as well just quit reading now but if a nerve has been struck then you're well on the path to recovery.

The truth is that we all are in some way superficial. We all want to look the best, be the most outstanding and be the one sitting at the top of the ladder. Don't get me wrong, this is all well and good and works in the spirit of being ambitious. The issue is, how far are you willing to go to get to the top? Who are you willing to step on, back-stab or kick in the a** to accomplish your goals. Be honest, we all get jealous at times and secretly plot in the back of our mind to "take someone out". This make us human. What is however important, is that we don't allow these thoughts to manifest but rather we conquer them and allow ourselves to be happy for others.

We are told to love our enemies. We are told to be good to those that have hurt us. We are told to turn the other cheek. I sometimes think that the people who remind us to do these things are never truly on the receiving end of hostility. For these are the hardest things to do, but I have learnt throughout the years that the wost weapons are a smile and a few kind words. It is difficult for people to feel good about treating us badly when we've be so good to them. As a friend of mine always says "conscience is a b***h".

So how do we conquer jealousy, insecurity, vanity and spite? Its not always easy, but remember that there is always a time and a season for everything. We get nothing before its time and you never know what is coming to you, and patience is indeed a virtue. But as you progress through life, just remember that you sometimes need the people you step on during your journey up the ladder to catch you when you fall off.