What would you do for a Klondike bar?

In his song "All Falls Down", Kanye West says, "The prettiest people do the ugliest things, For the road to riches and diamond rings". As I sit and reflect on this line, its reality stings like a scorpion in the desert.

Isn't it amazing that everyone takes issue with the idea of attaching a price to themselves, but the truth is that everything and everyone has a price. What is important to realize is that it doesn't matter that you have a price, it matters what your price and product is.

There are some people that I know, who would sell their soul for a piece of gold, while for others this could only be the opening bid.

We price ourselves daily. We work for salaries and accept to be paid only what we think we are worth. We enter relationships only with those that we feel are worthy of our time and affection. The underlying principle to self-pricing is really just self respect, self esteem and morality.

Self Respect means that we choose to only do what will allow us to look in the mirror thereafter. Of course there are different levels and standards, and no two persons need agree on this.

Self Esteem means that we choose to do what we want to because it is truly what we want and not what we feel will please someone else. This is often hard for most people because of the pressure to keep up with our friends.

Morality allows us to make decisions that will not be a thorn in our conscience. This is innate and can really only be appreciated on a personal level.

Notwithstanding everything, at the end of the day we must keep in mind that the price of rice in Africa is not the same as the price of rice in Japan, even though the quality of the product may be the same.

Associated Friendships

There are many people I know that are close to me in some way or another. I'm met many people through my career, through my social activities, through school etc. Many people refer to me as their friend and I guess I tend to do the same. Truth is that I really don't have many friends. Not that this in any way bothers me, in fact I somehow like things this way.

A dictionary defined the word friend to me as 'a favored companion'. Now while on one hand I do have some companions, the truth is that not all of them are favored. There are some that I would trust to have a getaway car waiting for me if I robbed a bank, and then there are some that I would rather call a taxi than rely on.

There are some people that have been in my life for as long as I can remember, and yet in a second I would care to forget. On the other hand there are some that I've only known for as long as my last haircut, yet I wouldn't trade for the world.

I separate the persons in my life into three main categories: friends, associates and time-fillers. How do I determine who deserves to be the beneficiary of one of these titles? I devised a strategy a few months ago after some deep thought and meditation. I asked myself a few questions and evaluated the answers. At first this seems simple enough until I gave it some more thought. Here are some examples?

1. If my car stopped working and I had no cash in my pocket, who could I call?
Friends
These are the ones that without a doubt would drop what they were doing to assist me in this regard, even if I needed a ride from the worst battlefield in Iraq: no questions asked.
Associates
These, I know would be more than willing to come to my aid, but only after my provision of a suitable answer to the power question: 'how much gas money am I offering".
Time-fillers
These are the ones that would tell me how they are tied up right now and would like to help but for some reason are unable to. In fact if they even dreamt that I would be calling for their help, they wouldn't have even answered the phone. Nevermind the fact that they have no problem calling me when they are in need.

2. If I took a trip to a foreign country and lost all my money, who would I call?

Friends

These only want to know two things: how much do I need to borrow and how do they send it to me.

Associates

In addition to the above questions, these want to know: how soon will they be repaid, am I willing to pay interest on my loan, do I have collateral and am I willing to sign over my first born.

Time-fillers

MMMMM, should I even waste money on the long distance call for these...I somehow doubt it would make sense. I'm likely to hear, "I'm short on cash right now but I'd love to assist if I could".

3. If my house burned down and I lost everything, what would be said?

Friends

"Do you need anything: food, clothes, accommodation, conversation?"

Associates

"I know you will be ok, but call me if you run into any problems"

Time-fillers

"Was that shirt I left at your house also in the fire?"

Don't get me wrong, everyone that is in our lives is there for a purpose. Our friends, associates and time-fillers all have a role to play in making us who we are and developing our characters. Common sense should prevail when we decide who we want to share our inner-most thoughts and secrets with or who we decide to call whenever we need to just have a good chat and laugh.

What is important however it that we must always treat the people around us with a degree of respect because; friends can make the worst enemies, associates sometimes become better friends, and we never know what will become of our time-fillers.

Forgive Them?

One of my favorite recording artists/lyricists is Lauryn Hill and from time to time I experience situations that make me reflect on some of her songs. One song in particular that stays in my mind is "Forgive them Father", which seems so true to life. Some of the lyrics (not the entire song, just excerpts) are:

Forgive Them Father (by Lauryn Hill)

Beware the false motives of others, Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers, And you never suppose it’s those who are closest to you

They say all the right things to gain their position, Then use your kindness as their ammunition, To shoot you down in the name of ambition

Why every Indian wanna be the chief? Feed a man ’til he’s full and he still want beef, Give me grief, try to tief off my piece, Why for you to increase, I must decrease? If I treat you kindly does it mean that I’m weak?

Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas, Backstabbers do this

It took me a little while to discover, Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers, Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves

A friend once said, and I found to be true, That everyday people, they lie to God too, So what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you

Now I'm sure there are so many people that can relate to this. It may be the best friend that slept with your partner, the colleague that screwed you over to get a promotion, the classmate that copied your assignment and expanded on it so they could do better than you, and the list goes on.

I have experienced most of it and I have come to realize that what doesn't kill me will definitely make me stronger. Pain hurts only as long as it lasts, then you pick yourself up from your crying spot, strategize and move on. That is if you are wise and intend to keep afloat in this sea called life.

Sometimes moving on is not as easy as it sounds. Its difficult, on a daily basis, to see those that hurt us and still keep a smile on our faces. It becomes even more difficult when the one that caused the pain is one that we care for (Platonic or otherwise). As a result we try to forgive and forget.

I guess I'm one of those people that struggles with this. I have a tendency to forgive people but not forget. Don't get me wrong, I don't travel through life with a suitcase full of grudges, but my response to hurt is simply to withdraw, completely.

Over the years I've lost many friends to this and I sometimes wonder if I am being too harsh and somehow cheating myself out of some wonderful experiences. Maybe if I gave more second chances my life would reap the rewards of stronger friendships. Maybe I would be happier and more popular. Maybe my life would be more fulfilling. And then again maybe I would just be a fool!

I do know one thing for sure; life is a jungle and for the lion to remain king he cannot stand side by side with the hyena.

Can You Really Handle Independence?

Isn't it ironic that countries struggle to be independent from other countries, children struggle to be independent from their parents, even spouses struggle to be independent from each other, yet we all go through pain trying to discover true independence!

A dictionary told me that the word independent means : "not dependent: not subject to control by others : not affiliated with a larger controlling unit : not requiring or relying on something else : not looking to others for one's opinions or for guidance in conduct and not requiring or relying on others as for care or livelihood".

Interesting isn't it? We usually claim to be independent yet most of us cannot act alone. I sit here writing this and anticipating a night out on the town with my friends. The truth is that if they call and cancel, I doubt I'd be going anywhere tonight. I like to think of myself as independent but somehow I wonder if I truly am. I certainly am not under their control like some wind-up toy soldier but I definitely am dependent on their companionship for my enjoyment.

Does this somehow relate to the proposal that we all have some sort of innate compulsion towards dependency? Or is it just that we are naturally rebellious to the fact that we are raised into a culture of dependency. We are dependent on our paychecks to pay bills, we are dependent on our local stores to provide the necessities for our daily living, we are dependent on tomorrow to arrive and bring us a new day. So does this mean that we can never be independent?

Maybe independence is truly just a state of mind. Maybe it is just the joy of feeling that we have total control over some aspect of our lives, even if it is just a very minor and seemingly insignificant part.

Maybe I am dependent. Maybe I do need people and things in my life more than I sometimes think I do. The truth is that I am dependent on my abilities, my intellect, my desires and my goals to keep me from becoming too strongly dependent on someone else!