Update

Its hard to spend so much time away from something that you love. Its been over a year since I made my move to the UK and decided to radically change my life. In doing so I made tremendous sacrifices and have learnt a great deal about myself in the process. For starters, I left a prestigious job with great respect and perks with the hope of making a smooth transition into a similar role here. Things haven't gone to plan (thanks to the recession and instability of most markets) but nonetheless I am far better off than most. I earn a good salary with a secure Government department and still have good benefits.

I have learnt that amidst confusion, I am my own strength. When I moved here, I had a job offer that vanished within hours of my arrival. I could have hopped on the next flight and returned to the security of my former job but instead I decided to hit the pavement and search out a job.

I have learnt that a humble approach is often the best one. In my job search, I started by applying for jobs within the area of my qualification area. I felt so sure that my Bachelors degree and Masters degree from a prestigious university would do the trick for me, I could never have been so wrong. It seems that in a struggling market, companies become blind to your 'paper' qualifications and would quicker hire the man that just walked out of the firm next door and can hit the ground running. My search turned towards entry level roles that would provide me with an income and this is where I struck gold.

I have learnt that life is what you make of it. When I moved to London, in my mind I saw a wonderful city where I would quickly form my little 'power circle' and start hitting up the galleries, malls, museums, theatres and life would be grand. What I found however is that I would have to make friends by trial and error, wouldn't have time of the social stuff and would spend most of my free time just laying in front of the television under my blanket. This was life for a while until it hit me that I had to 'make being here make sense'. I started doing things on my own and in the process picked up a friend of two. I may not be the socialite I thought I would be, but I am now enjoying where I am.

Life is still not where I want it, and I will continue to work at getting to that point, but until then I will not allow myself to settle for less than happiness. I'm be back to writing steadily, I just need a little more me time...

Time Out

When I started writing on this blog, it wasn't about creating a following or anything of the sort. I found that I had so many views and thoughts floating around in my mind and wanted an outlet for them. I have really enjoyed the liberation that writing has offered me and though my posts tend to be sporadic, they do come from a sincere place.

I have been neglecting this blog recently and I expect that this will be the case for a bit longer. Not long ago I made a somewhat calculated and somewhat spontaneous move to London. I decided that there were a few dreams I wanted to pursue and there's no time like the present! It is taking me a while to get settled into my new city and I really haven't been able to get back into writing mode yet.

I appreciate all the e-mails I have received and I'm somewhat touched to know that people find meaning in my thoughts. So for now I'm on a bit of a break but I do promise that I shall return.

A penny for my thought but you can't afford my soul

I haven't written anything for a while since I have been so preoccupied with my move. Over the past month I have had the opportunity to reflect on some things and to see life through the eyes of others. I have reaffirmed my thoughts on some issues and confirmed one basic principle - 'only you can determine who and what will make you happy'.

It is amazing how we sometimes settle for far less than we deserve. We often claim to be worth a Mercedes but will quite happily take up occupancy in the first Honda that comes along. When we allow ourselves to be talked about, walked on and overlooked, do we really believe that one day we will command respect? While I totally understand that not everyone has the same strength to deal with every situation, one thing we should have is common sense.

A friend once said to me, and I quite happily validate that "we always know how to find a way to excel at educational and vocational stuff but when it comes to love and life decisions our stupidity shines". So are we really the master of our own fate, or are we willing to be pawns in someone else's game? At the end of the day can we really say that we love ourselves or are we so desperate to feel loved? If we're not truly happy then is there really a point?

I know everyone must make their own decisions and then walk the road they choose. It is important however to remember that even when torn and tattered, broken and frail, our soul is all we really own. No wo/man can break us down when we know our worth. So always remember that "People only pay the asking price" and even cheap hoes rarely give discounts.

I regret not realizing this sooner

One of the most difficult emotions for most people to get over is regret. I found myself wading through a mental pool of reflection today. Though I had some smile filled moments, I also had a few pauses for regret. I regretted the times I was naive in the face of blatantly obvious circumstances. I regretted coming into contact with some people and letting go of others. I regretted missed opportunities and opportunities I wished I had missed.

Amidst my melancholy memorial session, I realized I was seeing things all wrong. Regret is a dangerous emotion that should not be embraced but should be studied and understood.

As a child, when learning to walk we all stumbled and fell a few times, but it was that falling that taught us we were doing it the wrong way. My regrets are not regrets, they are lessons I had to learn. I read somewhere that we don't remember what we are taught, we remember what we learn. If this is true then it would explain why it is that no matter how many times we are warned, we still make mistakes then wish we had listened.

The truth is that I needed to be naive so I would know the value of trusting my own instincts; I needed to encounter undesirable people so I would be able to properly judge character. I needed to lose a few meaningful persons so I could learn to appreciate the ones that are still a part of my life. I needed to miss opportunities so I would take advantage of the others to come.

So though I regret knowing that there are more regrets to come, I do know that I will embrace every lesson it brings my way.

Let go and live

Letting go is not giving up, rather it is holding on. Holding on to sanity and reality, realizing that life goes on and there are some things and people we cannot change. Letting go is an art that many people never learn to perfect, never learn to utilize and always come to appreciate. Letting go is not always the most favourable decision, but is usually the best one.

By letting go of wayward friendships, you are not are not bailing out on a friend, you are allowing yourself to know when you need better friends.

By letting go of mistrusted lovers, you are not running away from committment, you are utilizing common sense to know to whom you should commit.

By letting go of your problems, you are not a quitter, you just appreciate that there are other priorities that require your focus.

By (sensibly) letting go of inhabitions, you are not becomming wild, you are charting a course towards your own happiness.

By letting go of painful memories, you are not hiding from your past, you are taking bolder steps towards your future.

Let go and let life show you why it was so important for you to let go when you did.

And in this corner...

Many of us, when challenged, prefer to take the 'I'm a lover not a fighter' road. Whether the motivation lies in fear or partiality is something we seldom admit even to ourselves. Of importance however, is that we know when it is necessary to recreate a bar-room scene or simply opt to mount the nearest steed and ride off into the sunset.

Usually I suggest the evening ride since few things are worth the consequence of the fight, I do however believe there are four things worth almost any fight; Principles, Friends, Love and Answers.

Principles are a summary of who we are and what we represent. I fully endorse the adage that 'if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything'. Our refusal to stand for that which we believe lessens our value and importance. One wrecking-ball on a chain, can damage in one hour, that which took one year to build. All it takes however, is one link of that chain to break away from the others therefore rendering the ball useless. Be that link.

It is a common belief that family is more important than friends. I love family dearly but still selectively beg to differ. Family exist whether you are there or not , in contrast friendship exist only when you are. You choose your friends and do so with good reason. If friendship is true, it is worth any fighting. Usually you tend not to be quite sure who your friends are until the time comes for them to prove their status, but once they have it is your responsibility to maintain their worth.

We search for love (even when we pretend to be uninterested) and then when we find it, we usually pretend that it doesn't matter. True love is worth the fighting. True love is not ordinary love, it is the love that knows no questions and holds no doubts. Frequently we try to sculpt ordinary love into true love by hiding from its flaws and beautifying its facade. Only when we are honest with ourselves and honest about our comfort does it become our duty to protect that which makes us content. The secret is knowing when to admit defeat.

People often tell us what they want us to know and not what we want to know. There are times however when we really deserve answers to what we want to know. Armed with persistence we can fight for the knowledge we require. The key is knowing whether we can truly handle the answers we seek. Are you a fighter...can you answer that?

The Greatest Gift of All

Many of us, since our age of reason, have been indoctrinated to follow the belief that it is better to give than to receive. We try so hard to adhere to this belief that we learn to suppress our true feelings in order to do what we feel is right. The innate reality is that many of us are dying to be on the receiving end.

We want attention, affection, concern, comfort and to feel validated. We go out of our way to buy someone nice gift just so we can give them a smile and a reminder of their importance to us. We give flowers and other trinkets just so someone else can feel loved and/or appreciated. We give our time just so someone can feel that we are concerned about them. But we often hide taboo feelings and emotions that every time we give and do not receive, we are left feeling deprived and somewhat discontented.

Is it so wrong that we want to receive every now and then? Is it wrong that we get tired of non reciprocated giving? Is it wrong that we want the attention to be on us from time to time? We scream inside when we feel neglected but we continue to give because we've been taught that it is the right thing to do.

I have decided to counter this feeling of emptiness by giving something important to someone important. I have decided to give myself a voice. I have decided to speak up when I feel unappreciated or otherwise discontented. I know all too well that there will be people unable to handle my stance, but here's my gift to them...tolerance, honesty and the option to leave.